Love is weird. It does something to people, makes them crazy or something.. Makes a ton of things impossible to do.. Like moving on... IMPOSSIBLE. Sucks.
I guess all of this is coming from someone who is currently experiencing the negative effects of it..
I really shouldn't be complaining. All of the good stuff... It was really good and it makes me realize that the bad isn't all that bad... I guess it could be worse.... He could be dead? .. Well, that would at least give me a bit more closure and reassurance that nothing is ever gonna happen between me and Nebraska. But, I am most definitely not wishing death upon anyone.
These 4 years have definitely helped me realize that things that are wayyyyy too good to be true, usually are. I mean, you can work through distance..... But, you cant make someone stop ignoring you. Or you can't force someone to like you, love you, or even feel remotely the same about you as you do of them.
It's so weird, i find myself bottled up with these emotions. I honestly have no one to talk to about them. Why? Because i don't want to talk about Casey around my family or friends anymore. I have this shield up thats hiding all of my true feelings about Nebraska. Why would i tell anyone i am still CRAZY about Nebraska? It's stupid. I haven't ever met him. I haven't heard from him in months. He hasn't showed any interest in being in my life.. So why should i?!?!?
Uggh.. But, i still do have those days where he's the first and last thing going through my mind. I still like to picture a future together, or at least have him in my life. Losing Casey is probably one of the hardest things i have experienced in my life yet.
#moveonalready
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