.Keep.Dreamin.Girl.

There are times when i think im just a fool for blogging my feelings about this boy...

.Begin.Again.

So.. Casey and I stared talking consistently again.. It's crazy.. I feel like things between us are finally going back to normal.. Well, our normal.

The weird thing is that I should be happy, I should be overly excited to be talking to him again. I should start to believe again.. But I don't. I can't say I'm completely happy, but I'm not unhappy. I have all of these mixed feelings about him and "us". After all this time I spent chasing him, maybe I should have realized that I was the only one putting in effort. I was the only one who cared. 

I'm surrounded with  guys who would do anything to be with me and they're genuine and definite keepers.. But it seems that my heart is stuck in Nebraska and I don't think that will change unless i meet him. At this point, I need to meet him.. Not for the sake of "being together finally" but more so I can get to know him and know if I want to keep fighting for this. He is more than 1000 miles away. A huge commitment. Maybe I'll meet him and I just won't feel anything.. Right now, Casey is holding me back from meeting guys.. He's holding me back from being happy.. 

 I guess right now, things between him and I just aren't the same and they won't be for a while. It sucks and it completely breaks my heart. I want to feel the same as i did 3 years ago.. But I guess maybe the flame has died... I absolutely hate to think that way but maybe it's the truth. Maybe it needs a spark, or maybe it's out forever. 

The fact that I have been chasing him and putting in all of the effort really hurts. There was no effort from him.. I understand that he was going through stuff.. But I am too?... Ugh. Sometimes I wonder if I just think too much, maybe I'm over thinking this whole thing. :( 

To be completely honest... I am lost.