.Running.In.Circles.

So, i face-timed Casey today.. Well, i've been thinking a lot since then.

He has changed. I mean, people do change throughout time. I really should have expected it.. But, i don't know if these changes are for the best. I mean, i love the kid! I do! But, i don't know if he's the same guy i pictured my future with before.

Don't get me wrong, i want him in my life.. But, i don't know if I'm giving him the right role in my life.. I understand that people make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. But, his mistakes will effect the rest of his life.. And i just don't know if I'm making the right choice.

Damn.

Im honestly stumped. Im starting again with Case. Starting from scratch. Getting to know the NEW casey. I really don't know if this is what i want though. Am i gonna have to wait another 4 years? Because i can't do that. I am just honestly lost.

Maybe i don't want this. I don't know. Or maybe I'm being dumb right now. I have wanted this for 4 years. Maybe I'm just over it. Maybe i'm over thinking it. Maybe i need to meet him. Now. Or maybe, just maybe.. I need to stop "Chasing Nebraska"....

#WaitingForASign

.If.It's.Meant.To.Be.

Well, I have been talking to Casey a lot lately. Morning to night.. God, I am seriously crazy about him. It's ridiculous. I bring him/"us" down to bring myself up... It's weird. All girls do it.. But I don't wanna be like all girls. 

I think things with him are finally gonna start getting better. Things with him are looking up. That makes me so happy... And the fact that he wants me in his life again is quite flattering and shocking, to say the least. Many people are thinking "Kendra, youre an idiot!".. Honestly, i've thought it through and if i don't let him back into my life there will always be that "what if?" factor. I still have so many mixed feelings about this whole thing.. But hopefully it works out! Im staying positive though!! I mean, I am definitely a lot more careful and cautious about my vulnerability! Much more mature, as well. But I do like him a ton. And I'm never gonna stop. I just really hope I can always have him in my life in some way, shape, or form. And I really hope we can finally meet face to face... Im just really trying to stay optimistic about this.. I really hope he doesn't leave again..

He is my dream boy and I am honestly not quite ready to let go...